Author Topic: Mark Buerhle's Blog - Week 1b  (Read 765 times)

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Mark Buerhle's Blog - Week 1b
« on: 25 Apr 2012 4:07:18 PM »
I've got like tens of twitter fans, and yesterday we got into a discussion (yes, I care about fans) about why I don't have a cool nickname like Arod or El Guapo or Jemile Weeks (Jemile! That's a good one). We settled on Mr Perfect. Lots of people don't remember my perfect game because it was against the Rays, but I've been assured by many that it still counts. Anyway, that jackass Scherzer asked me if my mom gave me that nickname. What an ass. Only like 5 of the people on my twitter feed are family, so in your face you freak.

Speaking of that freak, as I predicted last week he lost. I told you, write it down in pen, Sherbert (that's my new nickname for him, it's hilarious, rofl) will lose against the horrible Diamondbacks. And look what happened. That's two games without a win for Sherbert, and you can tell he's struggling. After the 8th inning last night (and wasting 111 pitches), he was congratulating his teammates in the dugout. I said, "Hey Sherbert, they arent scoring runs. Sccoooreboaaard. Sccccoooorreeeboaard". It was hilarious. I went to high five some guy who I think is my short stop but he must not have seen me.

My buddy T-Helt finally got off the snide, by hitting a HR which was good to see. I mean, I didnt actually see it, I was in the clubhouse getting Mr Perfect stitched into my glove so that the rest of these bush leaguers know whose stuff is whose. Let's face it though, he hit it off some guy name LeCure, who I've never heard of. He sounds French, and no one gives it up quicker than the French.

Anyway, I was sitting in the bullpen because I was bored out of my mind during Sherbert's start (no one is more boring to watch than that guy), when some kid in a wheelchair called me over for an autograph. I signed it because Mr Perfect loves the fans, and this kid must have been what-do-you-call-it mentally challenged because he looked at it like he didnt even know me. Then he asked if I could get Sherbert's autograph for him too. So between innings I went into the clubhouse and drew a penis on it. When I handed it back I just shrugged and told him that Sherbert was kind of a jerk. ROFL dudes, ROFL.

Now, I know you didnt come here for news about Sherbert and his exaggeratedly (word?) low ERA. Whatever, veterans like Mr Perfect know it's a marathon, not a sprint.You have to save some for the dog days. Anyway, I went up against Halladay again. Before the game I came over to talk to him Ace to Ace about a few common things like how it sucks that we are universally envied and how we should both do something funny at our HOF acceptance speeches. He sounded like he was into it. I guess we'll see in a couple of years.  Anyway, the game went just as planned except the offense again didnt score any runs. Man, I wish I could hit in every spot and use ghost runners. Halladay struck out 10 batters again, but if I was pitching against this team, I'm pretty sure I'd be the first guy to ever strike out 25. I figure T-Helt might pop it up twice. Anyway, 122 pitches! What a waste. You would think a guy like Halladay would understand how to be economical with his pitch count. Look at me: 74 pitches. Perfect. If you take away the homers by Carlos Lee, and three seeing eye singles, it's a no hitter. My third no hitter in my career! HOF here I come.

Next stop Philadelphia (well, actually Colorado, but I dont pitch there so who cares. Sherbert is going to get LIT UP in the thin air. I cant wait). I've always dominated Philadelphia. At least I'm pretty sure. I'll have some nerd look up the stats. Someone tells me we are like 1-9, but whatever man. It's a marathon baby, and as long as Mr P is here mowing em down, the wins will rain like my hundies at a strip club. You know how I roll.

Until next time!